Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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