If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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