hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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