Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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