You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
