just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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