FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We were destined to go to rehab together
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
