Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
