Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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