Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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