Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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