where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
