well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
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im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
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And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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