I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
