Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
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