how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
