i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
