Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
