How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
