I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
