I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
