:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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