I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
