Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
