nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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