dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
