she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
