Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
