I'm going to jail i love you
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
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That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
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No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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