i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
