the condom got lost in my hair
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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