i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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