It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
