The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize