Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
