were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
