he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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