We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Someone signed my nipple.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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