Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
