So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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