His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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