what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
