but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
