proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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