Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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