i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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