My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
