i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
