That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
