Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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