I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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