Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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