I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
