As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
