We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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