So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
