The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
